A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend who is in the process of adopting about the process we went through, what I knew of other’s processes, and what it is like now that we have had our kids for a year and a half. As we chatted I came to a pretty cool realization about the change of heart and view I have on our adoption.
We were talking about filling out your application. Making those big decisions of what you are okay with accepting and what you feel you aren’t equipped to handle at this time in your lives. Those kinds of decisions like one child or sibling group, what cultures are you open to bring in to be a part of your family unit and are you willing to adapt certain things to this culture, are you willing to bring a child in with special needs, be that a child who is blind, with heart problems, FAS, or RADs and the list goes on. Each decision is important to really take time and contemplate on how it will affect you and your lives.
That is when I realized something pretty profound about myself. I realized my view on these big decisions has changed.
When I first contemplated it all I was thinking on how hard it would be on me and my life. What things I would have to change, what challenges I would have to go through, how it would affect my day to day and how it would affect my future.
But now, having my children it is very little on how it affects me and my whole world of concern is on how those things effects them and their world. I only think about how hard it is on them, what challenges they have to go through, how it affects their day to day, and especially how it affects their future. My whole being only wants to fix it for them or make sure they have all the tools they need for that future. And each day I am very aware that I will never be able to fix it for them and that I will never be able to give them all the tools they need. All I can do is lay all those big decisions down at the Lords feet and know He will take care of them all perfectly.
JUST ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS
Lil’ C has never played with dolls before even though we have had them in our home. This week he all of a sudden picked up A’s doll and has played with it none stop but only in a way that a real boy’s boy would.
For example, I was on the coach in the living room feeding Zip. Lil’ C sits next to me with the doll. “I am going to feed my baby too. Okay Mom.” He lifts up his shirt and explains to the doll that he is going to feed it through his belly.
All of a sudden Lil’ C jumps off of the coach with the doll in hand. “Oh No! There are bad ninja guys with robot Jedi heads. Come on baby lets punch them.” Lil’ C places one doll hand in each of his and proceeds to make the doll punch the imaginary bad guys. He then flings the doll dramatically onto the coach that is now behind him and declares, “I will protect you baby!” He reaches over and picks up his nerf gun off of the coffee table with one hand. He then points the nerf gun that looks like a really large revolving barrel hand gun at one corner of the room and starts to shoot the ninja bad guys. “Paaddddddrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” He then ends in the opposite corner giving a very loud explosion sound, “PooU-Flem”. Throwing his head and hand with the nerf gun in it back as though the nerf gun has sent out an ending missile.
He turns with triumph and picks up the doll saying, “See I protected you baby.”